Category Archives: Trouser Related Disasters

Bee stung lips?

On the way to work this morning, I felt a sharp, hot, stabbing pain in the flesh besides my right knee. At first I thought it was just a bad example of a hair getting caught in the trouser material, but upon further investigation (I stopped and rolled up the trousers when a jiggle provided no relief) I felt a similar pain on the edge of my left buttock. With my lightning reflexes, I pinched the trousers where the pain occurred, shook the trouser leg and out dropped a wasp, ripe for the stamping on.

The rest of the journey was somewhat uncomfortable as the second sting is right where sitting down produces the most pressure.

As I arrived at the station with mere minutes until I was due at work I texted my boss with the following message:

I’m going to be about ten minutes late this morning – I got stung on the arse by a wasp and need to get cream from the chemist’s.

In response I received typed laughter and the affirmation that I had submitted the best excuse for lateness ever.

I now have ointment but it’s not helping much.

Here endeth the story of my painful encounter with nature in an urban setting.

Happy Birthday, Young Hobbit

The Dawn of the Age of Man
A Coming of Age Poem for Robb

Oh, dragons burn the elven kind,
The elves, for sport, hunt wolf;
But wolves will tear off dragons’ skin
And rend their monstrous wings.

The elves go hunting the dire wolf,
Dire wolf destroys the wyrm;
But dragons burn the elven folk
To stump, and ash – to smoke.

Grey wolf packs dine on dragonflesh,
Dragons, aflight, burn elves;
But elves slay wolf for sheer delight:
Hunt warg both day and night.

In death Ouroborous descends
And thus begins the age of men.
 

Sorry I can’t be there tonight, and that this is neither stage lights nor a Harley. Have a great day, and enjoy your first taste of being properly old – it’s all up or down hill, depending on your point of view, from here.

A Story I Once Heard

I can’t remember where I first heard this, but it’s been doing the rounds for a good few years now – since well before any of the Ring films got made. There’s not much to it really – just that a struggling young writer foolishly left his word-processor switched on when he went to bed having just watched Naked Lunch. He woke up in the morning to find that his keyboard had eaten half his lower left leg in the night. Some variations of the story say it was a wireless keyboard, but I believe the version which claims that the keyboard used its cable as a make-shift tourniquet.

It’s nearly time for bed now. To top off a day of film watching, I just watched Naked Lunch. My computer was switched on all the way through. In case it’s got any ideas, I’ll be switching it off at the wall and taking the batteries out of the wireless bits. But just in case, I’m posting this now so that you’ll know if something happens to me tonight, so you’ll know what it was even though the authorities will try to hush it up.