I’ve been thinking

Life is an endless freezing desert. The best we can hope to achieve is to work through the day to fool ourselves that we’re not freezing. To huddle with other travellers occasionally and gather round the fleeting fires that we stumble across. We take what small comfort we can before the others die or move on. We die cold and alone in a pointless waste. Truly, there is no point or direction to life. It would make no difference whatsoever if we were all to curl up and wait for the cold to take us.
Maybe some of us search for a permanent fire and settle in units and all seems well for a while. But everything dies. And in the end we are left alone. Cold and pointless.
I was depressed.
I thought some more.
What if there was an absolute fire? A fire that burned no matter what we did to feed it? Some point of reference in a barren land? We could search for this fire and maybe if we found it life would make some sort of sense, have some sort of point. My friends all said, “The only fire is that which we make ourselves.”
Which was no help at all.
I thought some more.
It wasn’t a blinding revelation. It didn’t creep up on me and jump me from behind. But I became aware of a thought that hadn’t been there before: “Raping babies is wrong.” Marvellous. Something that will help me fight each little step of the way towards the next brief huddle on the way to oblivion.
I wasn’t impressed.
I thought some more.
I couldn’t think of any situation in which raping a baby would be right. Not even in the “saving the world” premise – an alien kidnaps you and gives you a choice of performing some morally repugnant act or watching as the world you live on is destroyed – used to start discussions of ethics the world over. Even in such extreme circumstances the act is no less vile and wrong. Even if one were to live in a culture where it was socially acceptable it would be no less wrong.
I had caught a glimpse.
I thought some more.
The desert has many communities all claiming to exclusively house the absolute fire. They can’t all be right. If they all claimed to point towards the fire that would be one thing.
If there is an absolute what people believe is irrelevant. It is what is TRUE that is important.
Which is something I can only guess at. But the fact that there IS truth in an absolute form is a small fire inside that sustains me through the long, cold, desolate nights.
I know what I believe. I hope I’m right, but the fear remains that when I am overcome by the cold He will say to me, “Away from me evildoer, I never knew you.” That terrifies me. But in the absence of trustable experience, these thoughts will have to do.

And the winner of the “how long will it take for an update” competiton is Annie__Hall. Her prize – a mention in the journal to end all journals, namely: mine.
Hmmm, that’s about all I can think of at the moment.