I may be gone some time…

Well, till Tuesday 8th June to be precise.
Tomorrow I hit the road, the rails and the road again. I’ll be visiting a couple of old friends for a week or so and I’ll be fairly busy all week and won’t have much (if any) chance to hang around online.
I’ll be making a tit of myself in the garden, amusing Robb by doing my physio exercises. I was meant to be helping him, but since the advent of the back pain that I still whine about…
That’ll take us ’til Friday, when we go camping.
Hopefully the weather’ll be groovy.
Then on Sunday I hit the rails again to get to my folks’ for a couple of days.
And finally train back north on Tuesday.

I should be able to get email checked fairly regularly, so if any of you can’t bear life without me or something pops up that you think I need to know about, my email address can be found in my profile in the ‘Box.*

I hope you all have a great week or so. But not so great that I get paranoid about the improvement…

* or indeed on my LJ profile.

A brief back update

The doctor gave me a referal to a physiotherapist which will take six weeks to clear.
However, he thinks the pain will have cleared up by then, but only just.
So he’s given me lots of pain killers. Co-codamol 30/500 which I take two of every four hours (basically that’ll be sixty mg of codiene and 1g of paracetemol(aka acetaminophen)). All this and a bundle of ibuprofen halfway between doses.

So I’m likely to be quite out of it for the next few weeks.
My apologies.

As requested by certain readers…

A genuine, all about me, and not in a daft meme kinda way, entry.

Life hasn’t been grand recently.

There’s been my continuing problem with depression – namely that I am continually besieged by this disease of the mind.
How about that? A real mentally ill person right here. If folks would like me to talk about what depression does to me when it wins, I’ll be happy to write about it.
There’s a lot of us about. I’m bitter about this for a number of reasons. Namely the stigma attached to it. I know we all know depressed people, but in the UK at least, mental illness is treated as the lower class cousin of proper physical broken leg illness. And I know that there are lots of reasons for this but it pisses me off that after eight years of treatment I’m still no further forward than I was at the age of five years old. I also get the feeling that an illness of similar consequence wouldn’t have been missed for fifteen years had it been physical. For example, my mum wouldn’t have said things like, “You’re too young to have a broken arm.”
Well, my current treatment ain’t fantastic either. Yeah, I’ve been put into a therapy group (which I entered because there was an eighteen month waiting list for one to one therapy), and it’s in an early stage (two or three months in), but all it seems to be achieving is making me angry with the therapists for fucking about with us, not acting decently towards the patients. I’ll stop there.
Because that’s what we are: patients. Numbers to be checked off on a list at the end of the day, not people that could do with a helping hand and maybe some guidance or God-forbid, some therapy! So, whilst this is going on, my life carries on and I’m less able now to cope with it than when the group started. Fan-fucking-tastic.
See, I can use rude words too.

There’s also been a back pain that hasn’t gone away for a fortnight. “Keep taking the tablets and the pain will go away.” said the doctors. I took the tablets and the pain was brought down to a liveable with level but didn’t go away. I’m going to see them again tomorrow and ask for/demand some proper treatment. Maybe there’s not as much diference between the treatment of physical and mental illness as I thought…

I guess things would be better if I had any idea where my life was going. I recently did some work in my church office. Only twenty hours a week (I took the position because it was put in front of me on a plate. I don’t really want to work in an office) but it left me so drained that at the end of the six weeks I was happy it was over, I’ve not really got back on my feet since then. So, I’m not ready to be back working again. I keep thinking I should get involved with something voluntary, but at the end of the day I’ve still not looked through the phone book.

To finish off this entry:

A tale of two evenings
My friend Rachel is leaving Newcastle in three weeks’ time. I’ve known her for three or four years now. And had a crush on her since the day we met. She had a boyfriend then. There was never a good time for me to ask her out. So now she’s leaving.
We should have been going out for a drink tonight, but she wasn’t feeling well so we decided to watch a DVD instead. As I was getting ready to leave (poetic license is taken at this point – I was actually in the middle of three IM conversations with some wonderful people and had half an hour before I was due to leave the house) the house, the doorbell went. Standing there, were Susan and one of her housemates. (Susan is another young lady you could say I have feelings for (I’m a potential heartbreaker, ain’t I?).) They’d been out jogging and somehow their keys had stopped working and they couldn’t contact any other flatmates since their mobile phones were inside the flat. So, cups of coffee were made, they were very impressed with my coffee grinding – I’m drinking the good fresh stuff because I can’t afford to replace my normal supply of pre-ground lovliness – and by doing a ring around of my phone book we were able to leave a text message for somebody with keys to their house. There was no reply by the time I had to leave, so I went out, leaving two perspiration soaked young ladies behind with my front door keys. Which some would say was a result.
(I got a text ten minutes after leaving the flat to say that they’d been rescued by a remaining housemate and that I’d be rewarded with tea and crumpets (or some other edible material) next week.)

Anyway, I got myself around to Rachel’s local Metro station. She picked me up and drove me back to her house. She thanked me for the card and choclate I’d got as a leaving present for her (given this early because we’ll not get another chance to see each other untill after she’s moved). We had a cup of tea, watched Little Shop of Horrors, sang along to the bits we could remember, then she drove me back to the station.
As we hugged goodbye, I got a small taste of what I’m living every day without – physical human contact.
And we’re back to the pity-party.

I’m being too harsh on myself – all I’m trying to do is work out why I seem to be having so much of a problem with life at the moment.

Thanks for reading.
If you’d like this entry lj-breaking away into nothingness, let me know.

trouble’s quiz wotsit :)
1. Who are you? There are those who call me… Tim!

2. Where do you reside? Somewhere between here and there.

3. How long ago were you spawned? 26 years, six months and nine days ago.

4. What do you look like in human form? A Tim

5. What do you look like in non-human form? A cross between Tigger and Eeyore.

6. Are you a leaf eater, carnivore, omnivore or cannibal? Omnivore with carni tendencies

7. Who’s your favourite newsreader? Sue Lawley

8. If you could kill ONE person, who would it be? Nobody, I love everybody. Either that or I’d keep them alive for an aeon of suffering.

9. If you had ONE magic/supernatural power, what would it be? precognition

10. Would you like to be a viking? Only if I was called something like Timbo Bloodaxe.

11. Who is your favourite computer game character? Me, struggling to get out of that damned red room.

12. Have you ever wielded a flaming sword, red or blue? Probably. It’s the kind of thing that happens all the time so I tend to forget.

13. Think of your co-conspirators in life, who has accompanied you the longest? Glorious nekkidity.

14. What is your favourite violent past time? Curry

15. Small, Medium or Large? Large on principle.

16. Who is your favourite muppet? Animal

17. Have you ever left your cardigan down the back of my sofa? Never owned one.

18. Is there a reason for your existence? My parents had sex.

19. What is the name of your alias? Timbo, Tim the Enchanter, Evil Tim, Guybrush, Mr Threepwood, Mr T.

20. How would you like to die? In a way that other people will find entertaining and remember forever

21. Mary-Kate or Ashley? Ashley

22. Dragons or Dryads? DRAGONS

23. Favourite inebriating substance? Heady life itself.

24. Were you a wild child or a sweet little angel? What do you mean “were” I still am.

25. Guy or Thom? Guy

26. Anyone for jam? With those raspberry seeds made of cast iron?

27. Do you have a life plan? One day at a time sweet jeebus

28. In percentage form, please state how “shankatastic” you are. Sixty Nine!

29. cucumber + helicopter = evil shower.

30. NnnnnnnnnnnnnnnI? Stop saying “it”!

A whole lot of busy

I’ve spent the last five weeks working in the church office. Doing the job I didn’t get as a temp. That’s kept me busy from 9am-1pm every day with maybe fifteen minutes either side getting there and back. It’s also left me exhausted and run down. I’m completely not ready to go back to work yet, but I’ve done so much better than I could have – haven’t been late once or missed a day. In fact the worst I think I could say is that on one occasion I wore a t-shirt under a jersey because I hadn’t got up in time to iron a shirt and the next day wore jeans because my one clean pair of trousers hadn’t dried overnight. There was one small panic attack with tears and everything which I was more or less able to work through (caused by me realising that I’d messed up with the care-taking the afternoon before.)
I’m also caretaking this week because the real caretaker guy has gone on holiday. So there’s all sorts of setting up and stuff needs doing all the time. It’s making the hecticity of the office that little bit harder to handle.
My church house-group leadership type stuff carries on too but that’s a shared responsibility but the weeks I’m down for are the weeks that everything kicks off.
As of Tuesday, I’ll be back to the relief caretaking and on Friday I finish in the office.
I’ll probably whine about having nothing to do on Monday. :roll:

I’ve also been struggling with a Sasser type problem. Seems to be fixed now. I’m so glad I saw the latest post in my thread in the Tech Support forum at the ‘Box when I did, or right now I’d be in the middle of backing up everything in preparation for a complete wipe and reinstall.

Now I can relax and start making my room habitable.