Damn, I keep missing days.
I’ve been very tired and not sleeping and stressed about life in general recently.

Yesterday I guess I learned that no matter how much crap I use to distract my thoughts or for how long I manage to keep it up, I fail eventually and the panic and fear rise to overwhelm me. Hurray!

Today I learned that work helps – it’s a prolonged having to concentrate on something else. Good training.
Also – the ten minute walk from the Metro station back to the flat is just about the right amount of time for the inspiration (on this occasion, for something I was going to write) you had on the ride home to desert you utterly and completely, leaving the ghost of an idea at that frustratingly out of reach point where the only touch you can manage pushes it away further.

Last night I got home very late indeed and went straight to bed. Sorry for not having kept you all bang up to date on my the education and improvement of my body heart and mind as it was happening. Yesterday I learned that it was possible to spend nine hours in town (most of which were at work) and not take money out of the bank to buy unnecessary things like books I’d found at work that looked good or cds in the Oxfam bookshop or chocolate or KFC or a bus fare home – I deliberately only took enough cash to pay my fare one way, and then walked home after work. The exercise is bound to have done me good. I did however, buy new glasses and a giant bag of coffee beans using my kinda new fangled chip and PIN card – as these were either essentials or already ordered or both they don’t fall within the “spending random money you can’t afford on crap” category which I’m trying to cut down.

As for today.
I learned alsorts of interesting things:
– that registrar’s ink leaves a murkey grey stain on the skin
– that caretaking for weddings of people who I only kinda know produces a sadness I can’t understand
– that on an hourly basis my caretaking work is the best paid of my three jobs, by about a pound an hour.
– that there is still great satisfaction to be had in wearing a (clean) old pair of boxers on my head.
– that I don’t know if the previous statement is going to be enough to save the day.

I learned that I had missed two weeks instead of the one I was told about of the librarianship course.
I also learned that thius isn’t the disaster it could have been.
Another thing that I learned is why the work that I’ve been offered by a local bookshop is only very temporary.
Yet another thing I can’t pass on to anybody.

Competition Update

Because I have received several entries before some of you have received your packages:

(With the agreement of the first person who sent in a solution) a week after everybody has received their package (if you could let me know when yours arrives, that would be great) either all the correct solutions go into a hat and a winner is picked at random, or the solution that’s closest to the one I originally thought of is declared the winner. Either way is a bit more random than I originally planned, but given that the postal services of the world are a bit random it’s the best I can come up with. What do you think?

Today I learned in a roundabout way that my boss is happy for me to find work to fill the time I’m meant to be flexible enough to cover possible staff problems in. I got a phone call from one of our suppliers at work today saying, “How’d you like to come and work for us in your spare time? The Director told me she had a member of staff who would like more hours but there aren’t any.” So as of next week I guess I’ll be working three jobs and studying for a qualification.
All this from being a bum in the middle of last October.

I’m going to be a librarian

With qualifications and everything!

I rang the guy in charge of the course up on Friday, and he called back this morning at work – I need to enroll on Wednesday and the course proper starts on Thursday. Thursday just happens to be one of the days I have off every week, and the course finishes early enough for me to get across to work if I need to cover an afternoon shift. The course would be costing me £450 for the year, but I’m not paid enough, all I have to do is take in two pay slips to prove it and I get the fees paid for me. Hurray!

And in other news today:
yet another thing that I’m not at liberty to reveal for some time yet.

Everybody dance now!

I learned that it’s tricky to put eye drops in.
Not exactly something new, merely forgotten.


I found out that after working to get a Ceilidh set up for five hours I wasn’t really in the mood for dancing.
Common sense really.

The band that played tonight was the same band that played so many years ago back in November 1997 when I first found out what a horrible experience enforced participation in an activity for fun can be.

There was a regional MethSoc conference that weekend, and the plan for the Saturday was for a policy meeting on the afternoon and a Ceilidh in the evening. I wasn’t the happiest of bunnies at the time and an afternoon spent in a church hall listening to various people talk at length about all sorts of very very dull, irritating and mostly wrong headed (I was very sure of my inherent rightness about such things all those years ago) things left me in a vile mood. Come the evening, I am very well aware that there was no way I was going to enjoy dancing so I planned to sit in a comfortable chair and nurse a reasonable sized whisky for the duration – keep myself to myself and stay out of everybody’s way. Sadly it was not to be. I attained the comfortable chair and the whisky and all was going well until the band struck up in the room next door. The band leader after calling for people to join in, came and looked into the room where I was. I said, “no thank you” when he asked if I wanted to join in, and then he pulled me by the hand out to join in with everybody else. I stayed for one dance and then went back to my chair and nursed a lot more whisky and several beers in a very short space of time and had my first experience of memory loss.

I still have a problem standing up for myself in similar situations and I’m likely to find myself going along with things that I’m not enjoying and will provoke a very bad reaction in me later because it’s so much easier than putting up a strong resistance and risking public conflict.

Finding myself in close quarters with the guy (who hasn’t changed at all in the intervening years) was interesting to say the least. For most of the night I’d managed to stay downstairs away from the music (which I mostly love) and dancing and be involved in things like washing up and clearing away everything from the meal – shifting tables and chairs back to where they should be – that kind of thing. However, once all that was done there was nothing else to do but go upstairs. I was already nervous because I knew it was the same band, the hall was loud, sweaty and full of people. I found a seat and sat, terrified out of my mind that the same thing would happen – I made the excuse of collecting empty cups to wash up and went back downstairs again. Eventually I plucked up the courage to go back, and I sat and watched everybody else have a whale of a time and wishing to the high heavens that I could get up and join them.

So I guess that today I learned that I’m still afraid.

PS Spell-checking this, I found out that the LJ dictionary will only allow you to drink Whiskey with an “e”, not Whisky without. It’s not surprising, but it’s new.

Friday child is full of

Well I can’t remember, but there is one thing I do know that I didn’t know yesterday and that fact is this, my friends:
a) That Sony has just cut three hundred jobs in two factories in the UK.
b) Whose the diary that was left in the library yesterday (but not mentioned by me online at all) was.
c) That working on the work computers wearing glasses that point in the wrong direction due to their being broken gives me a splitting headache.
d) That maybe I should have said “four” instead of “one” and “those facts” instead of “that fact” in the opening sentence.