The 31 Deaths of Evelyn Johnson

Number 31 – Blogged

Sunday turns Monday – three minutes into the working week and Evelyn de-beds, boots her Mac, visits her blog c.p., creates a new post and starts typing.

Half twelve she posts her first entry in all of forever.

One a.m. she posts her second, half past – her third.

All night she’s writing – every thirty another post:
The grand design
Shopping lists
Ideas for films, plays, and TV shows
Oxford Commas
6th Century Hebrew woodcarvings

Time for work. Ignoring alarms and typing merrily, Evelyn writes:

I couldn’t sleep last night, I was ever so tired, but couldn’t sleep. As I was lying there, still, calm, trying to empty my tiny little mind, all of a sudden I thought how wonderful it would be to be writing again, and now I can’t stop. I’ve been writing some of my best material ever all night, and work can go hang, I’ve never felt so good…

About lunch time, word spreads: “Crazy Evey – yes, Crazy Evey from Accounts – well, she’s finally flipped, stayed at home and is writing this odd, blog-thing…”

From: “John Waterman”
Date: Mon, 23 Sep 2004 13:13:49 +0100
To: “James Waterman”
Subject: Hi

Hey Kid Brother o’mine,

How’s it hanging? Not much going on here, but the staff have been distracted all morning by one of their number who seems to have lost the plot a little bit, has stayed home from work without letting anybody know, and is writing every half hour in her blog. Some of it’s actually not that bad – your kind of thing, I thought, but needless to say, she’s finished here – a shame, we had high hopes for her.

Looking forward to seeing you and the kids at the weekend,


Evelyn writes, and writes and writes.

Thanks for all your comments, everybody – I’ll try to respond to them when I get a moment, but I don’t want to distract myself from the writing – it seems that I’m ‘in the zone’. One strange thing I’ve noticed is that I’m not tired or hungry and I’ve been awake since before breakfast yesterday. I’ve not needed the loo since I started writing, either. Very odd.

Still, that’s not what this entry’s about…

Home time. And Evey’s going viral, over the ‘net like a hood on a klansman.

Teatime, Tuesday. TV news shows chez Evelyn, as voice over drones about the new star of the small(ish) screen (18″ TFT) and how there’s no answer at the door, but they’re expecting the next entry any minute now.

In case, I’m posting the Ring the morniquet. To the morniquet. He went to it up in case, I’ll the will the switched on when doing the rounds foolishly left left his now if so to hush it’s been half his keyboard half his, but just thing just his woke up in this keyboard, but just his lower leg it’s bits. Something, I’ll know so top of the morning just his now – since wirelessor bed on what it’s believe the batter fore I just was even he was a made. My computer where’s bed Lunch. To to be strugg

Words on screen

Use these links to finish item:

The 31 Deaths of Evelyn Johnson – An Introduction

It is a truth universally acknowledged* that amongst the almost-infinite number of parallel universes each of us will be born only thirty-one times. Generally, our parallel selves lead similar, if not identical, lives and although there may be some variation between parallels (freak accidents killing off two or three out of thirty one, for example), most of us will die old and in our beds.

Research has thrown up some anomalies.

Take the case of Bernie Rollins (b. 19th-24th August 1942 d.2nd November 1980-2003). This, otherwise remarkably dull, man is the only person in all history to have been killed by a falling, solid-gold piano thirty-one times. Once in each of thirty-one different cities, always on the 2nd November but never on a Monday.

Or maybe that of Catherine Smith (b. 31st December 1977, d. 31st December 2008) who merits attention only for having been born on exactly the same day and having died on her thirty-first birthday in all of her thirty-one parallels.

However, my favourite of all the life and death studies I have come across so far, is that of Evelyn Johnson b. 8th-21st April 1953, d. 5th June 1970 – 29th February 2028. Although not much is known about her early life, the stories of her widely varying deaths – collected here, and available to the public for the first time – are known. They make interesting, sometimes sad, sometimes humbling, sometimes entertaining reading. I hope getting to know Evelyn enriches your life as much as it has mine.

– Professor John Rollins, International Parallels Research Centre, New Stafford

*universally, that is, by the select small few who have done research into this matter and those who have read their papers. It’s generally agreed that quantum and probability and (possibly) quantum probability have something to do with it.

edited to add a missing word