Back in the saddle (which is still lonely since the horse died) again

On Wednesday I got back to Newcastle after spending the Christmas period with friends and family away from the computer.
Had a couple of days with Ruth and Robb, their garden still looking fantastic, good food, good drink and the watching of DVDs was the order of the day.
Then on to Mum and Dad’s, sleeping on a couple of quilts on the living room floor, cooking occasionally, watching more TV than I had in the past year, wrapping presents, buying presents, wrapping more presents, helping out where I could, and starting to read The Lord of the Rings again. It was a pretty good Christmas, but my old problems wormed their way in and stopped things from getting to be proper good.

Thank you to everybody who left Christmas wish comments in my previous entry.

Now I’m back in Newcastle. Wait, I said that.

It’s New Year’s Eve, and I have no idea what I’ll be doing this evening. There’s a couple of phone calls I’ll be making, and I’ll see what happens.

2004 has been a long year. I think it must have been that extra day in February.

Timbo’s Review of the Year
It started with me still waiting for payment from the DSS – living on thin air, with my internet just reconnected after two months off due to the incompetence of the ISP. I was receiving counselling from the church, and I saw the year in at Michael the Chaplain’s house with a couple of bottles of wine after serving tea and coffee in the town centre until ten. Around two in the morning I walked back to the flat through the snow which had spoiled the city’s plans for ‘fireworks at midnight’. I can’t remember what resolutions I made, although I think I may have said “No resolutions this year.” and left it at that.

Eventually the DSS pulled their fingers out and I started to receive benefits payments – hurray!
The church counselling ran its course, and wound up just as I started attending a course of group therapy (sometime in March or April I think). This was badly run, and seemed to do more harm than good on a weekly basis.
I applied to work in the Church Office as Admin. Assistant at a similar time, failed to get the job and ended up doing it for six weeks whilst the winning applicant worked her notice.

Shortly after I finished in the office Michael and his family moved to Swindon – about as far as it’s possible to get from Newcastle without falling off the south of England. I’ve seen them once since then, and they seem to be getting on very well.

In July there was the UK and German Monkey Meetup. It seemed to go well, and I met Sonni for the first time. A week or so later we got together.
Less than three months after that we stopped being a couple.

In October I started working in a little local library which sadly meant I had to stop attending the therapy group. Work is going well, I enjoy it, I get on with the staff and I’m finding myself able to be stressed without falling into panic – a major break through. I return on Tuesday.

November saw me start dancing. Every Wednesday evening there’s a class, and I’m still rubbish at it, but it’s a bit of a laugh and I’m told it’s good exercise.

I think that’s the year in a nutshell.

Enthralling, non?

Resolutions? No Thanks!
I won’t be making any. But there are several things I’d like to see the new year bring that I can work towards.
– Continued working at the job I’m in and either seeing the hours increased to full time or take on a second job.
– Continued recovery from the depression. It’s still a grind to do anything, and hardly a day goes by without me thinking about how much better it would be to be dead. I know I’m so much better than I was, but seeing how far there still is to go is far from encouraging.
– A place of my own to live – I won’t be able to afford to buy, but renting might be an option with either full time hours or a second job.
– A lovely young lady who’ll be happy to be loved, will love me in return and will still show an interest in me after a couple of months.
– More regular writing, both for this journal and for myself in general, maybe even think about contacting publishers.
– More regular contact with the friends I have who live outside Newcastle and cementing of the relationships I have with those in Newcastle.

I think that’s enough to be getting on with.

May the new year bring you all joy, love and fulfilment.

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